most days i am too much. little as i may be, there has not been a single day in my life when someone somewhere doesn't want to hit my off switch. lately, with the advent of the new ventures, i am much too much. i have learned to make peace with the situation as best i can.
i find there are moments that exist outside of time, when i become keenly aware of my own life. a bit. a flash. a tick of time. a light flickers. then it passes. gone. i find them more frequent as i grow older. each one savored as if finite. in reality they are. the one within which i currently exist is an amazing moment. life changing in fact.
being a maker has always given me purpose. soap maker. candle maker. perfume maker. now apparently i am the creator of a lifestyle. i don't know what the hell that means but i hear it. like most things these days, i don't really need to comprehend anything other than the task at hand. everything happening within the walls of this house.. it has been a dream for so long. now that i find myself actually living within the vision, i begin to dream anew. it is quite bizarre.
somewhere there are a few open acres. a great little house and a barn. a wooded area too. a place to find refuge from city life. i will plant herb and petal gardens for use in our soap. raise a few goats. bee hives filled with honeycombs. and there is me. doing what i began so many years ago. puttering around making stuff by hand. getting dirty and tired and tan from the sunshine. i still imagine myself still coming in to the city a few days a week when i'm not in london or salzburg or the south pacific. but i dream of having it all. every bit of it. and why not? that's what dreams are all about.
the most important investment i can make at this time is in the people with whom i build my business. it's a nice idea but only possible if everything goes according to plan. or better than planned. as i write this, the stock market is tumbling. it's probably not a big deal but no one yet knows what will happen. we all could see this coming, right? china's GDP has been overblown for years, fueled in no small part by a building boom of over 75 million housing units though 85% of those still stand empty half a decade on. and of course we americans have spent considerable blood and borrowed treasure fighting wars since 9/11, are hamstrung by a deplorable trade deficit, crushing entitlements paid by the middle class, and we cannot seem to exist without our expensive gadgets. *please note - i am one of the worst offenders. if only a simple correction is what it required for us to sort out our priorities.
someday, if we are lucky, the road of excess will surely lead us to the palace of wisdom.
until it does, i will keep dreaming my little dreams and work toward building a better future.